|
Post by: Dalvian(38356) 2005-12-18 00:09:09 |
The ship entered orbit around the emerald green planet. The cylindrical vessel looke magestic in the light of the not to distant sun. It's designation, the SC P-Dilly, was boldy embrazoned on the hull. The captain, sitting on a throne in the middle of the bridge, spoke up. "All right you dillies. Let's get to work. I want readings on this planet now." He took a swig of his beer. At the helm Lt. Skydive cocked an eyebroy, thinking 'did he just call us dilly's?'. Lt. Dalvian, ships science officer, worked franticly with his stations etch-a-sketch and abbacus. Sweat was beading on his forehead. "Um..carry the two. Add the vegetation factor. Darn." He picked up the etch-a-sketch and shook it clean. Captain Philldodilldo looked over at the science station. "Dalvian, you dilly, get me readings on this planet or I'll take green jello off your rations." Lt. Skydive looked back slightly, thinking 'Did he just call Dalvian a Dilly?' The Science officer finished drawing a complex diagram on his etch-a-sketch and moved two black beads on his abbacus. "I've got it captain. The planet has an Oxygen-Nitrogen atmosphere with heavy vegatation and carbon based life. The core is solid..." The First Mate, Commander Spartapus yelled "Lt. Dalvian if you say Butter I swear I'll throw my beer can at you" The Science officer paused "Um..Iron. It has a solid Iron core." Very quietly he whispered "Butter" and started giggling to himself. "Captain" said the Tactical officer, Lt. Sentires. "I'm reading two gerbils on the planet. Their ship is leaving the atmosphere now. I think they are scared sir." A tiny little ship shot up from the planet and went into hyperspace. Captain Philldodilldo cussed and threw his beer at the view screen. He looked over to his communications officer Ensign Little Sister, who was wearing the only mini skirt on the ship. "Hey, Luv Bug, call Space Command and tell them finish their mission later. I have Gerbils to hunt." The Ensign, fumbling with her switchboard, yelled at the captain. "Sir, I've told you before to stop calling me Luv Bug. It's against regulations...and should you and Commander Spartapus really be drinking beer on duty?" Both senior officers yelled "Shadup" and threw their beer cans at her. "Lt. Skydive, bring us into hyperspace you dilly and follow those stinking gerbils." Lt. Sky put in the proper commands and sent the SC P-Dilly into Hyperspace on a pursuit course. He thought to himself..'Did he just call me a dilly?' Continued.... |
|
Post by: jddegraff(43958) 2005-12-18 08:33:16 |
bump |
|
Post by: Voltage18(145681) 2005-12-19 03:57:35 |
2 long for me to read, so ill just pretend i read it. |
|
Post by: Dalvian(38356) 2005-12-19 21:40:20 |
Chapter 2
The SC P-Dilly came out of Hyperspace with a jolt. Captain Philldodilldo lurched forward, dropping his beer to the floor. "Dangit, Sky you dilly, I dropped my beer. Don't put your foot on the brakes so hard." The helmsman blushed and eased his foot of the brake pedal. "Sorry Captain. It's a tad touchy". To himself he thought 'Why does he keep calling me a dilly'. The Captain suantered over to the science station. "Lt. Dalvian, get me a six pack and some beef jerky." The science officer opened a door behind him and came out a moment later with six light Dilly beers and several sticks of salted meat products. "Here you go Sir." Captain philldodilldo opened one and began to take a sip when Lt. Sentires sounded the alarm. "Captain. The gerbil ship is .3 astro dillys away." The brave captain spit his beer all over Lt. Dalvian. "Gerbils!! Dang it Sent, you owe me a beer." Lt. Skydive take us on a direct course. Sugar Muffin, be a doll and open up a channel to the gerbil craft." Ensign Little Sister plugged a wire into her switchboard "The channel is open Captain and don't call me Sugar Muffin. It is against reg.." He threw a beer can at her "Shaddup!!" The viewscreen showed two gerbils in their tiny little ship. One held the controls while the other powered the ship on his tread mill. "You will surrender, now Troja!!" said the captain. Troja the Gerbil stuck out his little tounge. "You only say that because you are in a big ship. Give me the big ship and you fly a shuttle craft so you it will be a fair fight." The captain threw a beer can at the screen and it went blank. The SC P-Dilly closed into range. The order to engage had been given. Lt. Sentires called through a funnel in his consol "Weapons room. luanch torpedo tubes one and three." The two torpedoes shot at the tiny ship. At the point of impact it looped over the weapons and zipped behind SC P-Dilly. Lt. Sentires cussed. "Sorry Captain. Exilim is powering that tread mill. His little legs can move pretty fast." "Where the Dilly are those gerbils?" Yelled Captain Philldodilldo after a few moments. "and where the heck is my first officer." Lt. Dalvian drew a few lines on his etch a sketch. "I can't find the gerbils Captain. Commander Spartapus is in his room with the Dilly sisters. He has three buckets of my best butter. Dang Butter thief." Phill cursed. "Well, we will not see him for a while. Where could those little fuzzballs be?" The ship shook violently and sputtered. Sentires looked confused. "Um..sir. Something just went up our exhaust port." Captain, said Ensign Little Sister "you have a phone call from Lt. Claymores in the engine room. He says it is important." |
|
Post by: philldodilldo(22259) 2005-12-20 16:25:45 |
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL keep going! |
|
Post by: Dalvian(38356) 2005-12-21 02:38:32 |
Captain Philldodilldo picked up the phone reciever "This is the Captain speaking" The man on the other end was frantic. "Cap'n. Der be wee gebils in me engines. Ahgk..dey be flotin in de dilly core lak wee flying vermin...Ahgk!!" The Captain stared into the reciever, confused. "What are you saying man. I can't understand a word of it." Lt. Claymores, the Chief engineer, tried again "Ahgk Cap'n. Wee gebils, Wee tiny vermin, dey be flotin in me engine. Gebils, Cap'n, Gebils!!" Captain Philldodilldo yelled into the reciever. "Dangit Dude your not Scottish..and your accent is terrible. What in the blazes are you saying?..nevermind..I'm on my way." He looked to his bridge crew. "All of you come with me. I think he said the Gebils..I mean the Gerbils..are in the engine." In the engine room Lt. Claymores, dressin in a kilt and wielding a Claymore, was staring at the dilly core. It was a vast glass container holding a swirl of butter and anti-butter in perfect ballance. In the middle of it the two gerbils floated. They were grinning and laughing. Troja yelled "Stupid Dilly's can't beat me and my cuz. We are too good." Captain Philldodilldo threw a beer can at the dilly core. He walked over to the container and tapped on the glass. "listen here you arrogant snobs. We have you now. Just because you greased yourselves up and entered through the back door doesn't mean you have won." He looked at his chief engineer. "Lt. Claymores..flush the gerbils" The Engineer started cussing violently. "No Cap'n I cannut flush the wee gebbils. It would'n be messin wit me butta. The wee gebbils not wort it Cap'n!!!" The Captain stared stupidly at the would be Scott. "What are you saying..nevermind...just flush the dang gerbils." The engineer shook his head and walked over to the container. He grabbed and handle on the side and pushed it down. All of the butter, anti-butter, and two gerbils wooshed out the bottom, creating a radioactive butter field under the ship. Captain Philldodilldo and Lt. Sentires did their happy dances while Lt. Dalvian walked over to container and Lt. Claymores cried into his kilt. The Science officer shook his etch-a-sketch portable scanner and turned the knobs. "Captain, the gebils..sorry, gerbils..have not left the ship. Those slick little devils slid through the plumbing and are in the mess hall." Captain Philldodilldo ceased doing his happy dance and instead proceeded to do his mad at the gerbils dance. Then he yelled "Come on you Dilly's..to the mess hall." Lt. Skydive and Little Sister sighed, saying in unison.."He just called us dillys" |
|
Post by: Dalvian(38356) 2005-12-21 06:54:01 |
Lt. Sentires burst into the mess hall first, his dilly pistol pointed directly ahead. In the center of the room were the two fiendish Gerbils. Exilim was stradling a pile of Iron ore shoveling it into Troja's mouth. His cousin ate it greedily. He began to grow..getting bigger with every shovel full.
The Security officer yelled. "OH my god!!! He's feeding him mins!!!! His size will grow as big as his ego!!!" He fired the dilly pistol but the gerbil ate that as well and got even bigger. "It's no use now I'm feeding him. Those dirty playing gerbils." Ensign Little Sister pushed her way into the room and shoved the security officer. "That's it. I'm tired of hearing you insult these cute little gerbils. I'll not take it anymore." Lt. Sentires was disgusted. "You filthy gerbil lover. I'll get you!!" The Ensign pulled out a weapon, pointing it directly at Sentires. Captain Philldodilldo watched the chaos in his crew with a secret pleasure than saw the weapon. "Stand down Lt. Sentires. She's got a pointed stick!!!" The security officer dropped his dilly pistol. Little Sister walked over to stand with the gerbils and luaghed. "I guess I am a gerbil lover. Come on Skydive. You don't have to be called a dilly anymore." The Captain spit his beer out with a luagh. "Lt. Skydive will never leave me. He's a loyal little Dilly." The pilot thought, 'Did he jast call me a little Dilly?' The former ensign grinned. "That's what you think Captain Philly." She pressed a button on her pointed stick. Marrianette strings popped out of Skydive's shoulders and head. Not able to control himself any longer he half walked, half danced, over to Little Sister. Lt. Sentires yelled. "Oh my god!!! He's a puppet. Sis is the puppet master." Sis smiled and petted big fat mineral eating Troja and little legged Exilim. "That's right my luvlies. Your Captain was too busy harrasing me to notice. Bye Bye Now." She pressed another button on her pointed stick and the entire grouped beamed to a nearby planet. Captain Philldo began cussing and throwing beer cans all over the mess hall. Lt. Dalvian, thinking it was a game, tossed his captain a never ending supply of Dilly Light. Amid the confusion Commander Spartapus walked in wearing nothing but a towel. He had a Dilly sister on either arm. He appeared to be covered head to toe in butter. "Did I miss something?" |
|
Post by: Voltage18(145681) 2005-12-21 06:59:24 |
loooooool nice |
|
Post by: philldodilldo(22259) 2005-12-21 16:09:39 |
ROFL it cannot end yet! |
|
Post by: jddegraff(43958) 2005-12-22 00:38:54 |
more moremore...... |
|
Post by: Voltage18(145681) 2005-12-28 09:16:56 |
its been awhile, when will there be more |
|
Post by: Dalvian(38356) 2005-12-28 10:06:43 |
Trying to figure out how to wrap it up without it being too entirely silly. |
|
Post by: SkydiveMike(86286) 2005-12-31 01:28:15 |
isnt too entirely silly part of the fun? |
|
Post by: Little Sister(34495) 2006-01-01 14:28:44 |
Thats Hilarious Dal!! I love it when good beats evil =) |
|
Post by: philldodilldo(22259) 2006-01-03 15:44:48 |
sigh, im not evil. |
|
Post by: philldodilldo(22259) 2006-01-19 14:42:51 |
this should be continued dal.....cough |
|
Post by: Dalvian(38356) 2006-01-19 23:37:25 |
Little Sister sat on a throne in her secret castle on the planets rocky surface. She amused herself as Skydive danced around the room on puppet strings. The two gerbils laughed. "So funny" said Troja. "Stupid Captain Philldodilldo did not know that you worked for me all allong" The gerbil laughed again, his cheeks full of mins.
Queen Little Sister raised an eyebrow and Skydive stopped dancing. "Work for you?" She querried. "Work for you? You insignificant little rodent. I am the Queen here. Maybe you should meet my other puppet." A door slid open and a tall man in a ten gallon hat moseyed out on pupppet strings. He held two large pointed sticks. The Queen smiled "Maellstrom my pet..teach these gerbils a lesson." The puppet Texan began twirling the two pointed sticks of Gerbil smacking and wacked the mineral fat Troja around the room. Finally, he exploded and the minerals fell out in a big pile. A tiny gerbil Troja lay next to the mins, exhausted. Maelstorm and Skydive immediately swarmed over the precious minerals and turned them into a small fleet of Harvester robots. The Queen laughed at Exilim and her two puppets began dancing. "Now you pesky gerbils can't use those against me." Exilim turned a bright red, a dangerous color for a gerbil. He yelled "Harvesters!!!! Dishonourable!!!" Before the Queen could begin her retort the Gerbil Exilim began to swell up with air. "Watch out!!" yelled the Queen. "He's going to..." She never finished the sentance. Exilim let loose the galaxy's biggest "SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH............." |
|
Post by: Dalvian(38356) 2006-01-19 23:44:20 |
Captain Philldodilldo, Lietenant Dalvian, and Lieutenant Sentires beamed into the throne room to find Little Sister and her cohorts stunned. Their hair stood on end. The gerbil Exilim was breathing heavy. "Oh great" said the Captain "The little rodent sighed." He took drink of his beer and threw the can at Exlilim.
The gerbil was dancing around his cousin, who was still sprawled out next to the harvesters. He was chanting "Cheaters!! Cheaters!!! Cheaters!!!" Lt. Sentires pulled out his Dilly pistol and began to end the gerbil threat once and for all. The Captain held out his hand "Belay that Sentires. Let Lt. Dalvian have them." The science officer smiled and pulled out his butter bazooka. Exilim and Troja looked up...horror on thier gerbil faces. |
|
Post by: Dalvian(38356) 2006-01-19 23:47:09 |
Captain Philldodilldo toasted everyone at the grand party he was throwing in his palace on Dilllydoia. "To my brave crew and to Queen Little Sister and her puppets..The gerbil menace is ended."
Everyone toasted their glassses and looked in awe at the two gerbils hanging from the wall. Their gerbil faces were fixed in horror for all times... ....They hung there, trophys, encased in solid butter. Hey..It's my story...I'll end it how I want. The End. |
|
Post by: philldodilldo(22259) 2006-01-19 23:48:25 |
ROOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLL HA HA HA HA HA oh man u should have heard me when i called sent to tell him to read it after i did. |
|
Post by: Little Sister(34495) 2007-08-03 14:02:57 |
Of course they should be drinking beer on duty, beer has too many calories for me to drink it all myself, and still fit into my mini skirt.
That was GREAT dal, I laughed the entire story. True genius! |