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Forum: SC General
Thread: An interview with local pyro and SC fugitive, Dalvian
Post by: Little Sister(34495)
2005-12-02 10:45:46
Welcome to the SC News! Today, we will be turning the tables on our favorite host. Itís my pleasure to be asking the questions to long time player, friend, and fed mate.... Dalvian!

Sis: Welcome Dal! Its great to have you here. Take a seat, get comfortable. So tell us, how things are going at work.

Dalvian: The other day I was putting up groceries at work and opened a tote that was filled with nothing but butter lovers microwavable popcorn. When the smell hit me I fell to the floor, rolled up into a ball, and started drooling.

Sis: That could be dangerous, a customer could slip in it. How would you explain that to your boss?

Dalvian: Tell him it was part of a religious ceremony.

Sis: That may work, but, what if you're fired? How will you continue supporting your fedmates?

Dalvian: I've thought about living in a cardboard box but it's hard to get cable and a high speed connection for a cardboard box.

Sis: How do you plan on transporting your minerals should you win any?

Dalvian: You can allways ride in a boxcar like a hobo.

Sis: Ive noticed you havenít been able to accumulate enough minerals to sustain your empire in your usual butter loving, life style. What will you do? Do you have any other means of supporting yourself? And how do you intend to support your well-known butter habit?

Dalvian: "Hobo Dal and his junkpan band"

Sis: What do you plan on doing if this round continues this way?

Dalvian: There is allways the Hobo option I mentioned earlier. The only way to travel.

Sis: OK, it sounds like you have a plan. Great. So, could you tell us a little about your fed, during your last successful round of SC?

Dalvian: "The Pointed Sticks (named after a line in the Monty Python skit 'Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit') came together in 1978 in Vancouver. They won a battle of the band and were subsequently the first Canadian band signed to Stiff Records in the UK. They we

Sis: Ok, ok, a little more info than I wanted to know. Do you agree that Little Sister, of The Pointed Stick Gang, was the best Fed Leader, and best teacher you've ever had the privilege to join forces with?

Dalvian: Sergeant: Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit...

Sis: High and Mighty? I'm sorry that wasnít my intent. I'll just ignore that last comment.

Dalvian: Ignoring Dalvian can get you put on Dalvian's list. That's the no butter for you list. How about them apples?

Sis: Im sorry Dal, I didnt mean to offend you. By the way, is that a pineapple under your coat? Am I going to have to notify security?

Dalvian: 142 Bustopia .........no comment.

Sis: Maybe you should just take a deep breath, and count to ten.

Dalvian: 1. Allways build over your own fedmates
2. Allways talk others into feeding you xp by pretending to be helpless.
3. Help yourself by pretending to help others
4. Hide your own decietfull ways by pointing out others tactics as dishonourable.
5. Attack down anytime another player gets near you.
6. How to cause a 3 page minimum Exi-rant anytime you get bored.

Sis: I said count to 10, not recite Exi's List of "Ways to Win Another Round" Are you feeling a bit better now?

Sis: So tell me, have you been enjoying the current round?

Dalvian: *Jabs Maell with a pointed stick* Get away from me.

Sis: Give me that pointy stick!!! Could you please stop poking our audience and pay attention? Why would you do a thing like to a long time fan of yours?

Dalvian: "Honestly, how are teenagers supposed to have any fun these days? No cigarettes, no alcohol, no drugs, no guns, no knives, no fruit (and no pointed sticks either!)!?"

Sis: Please try to maintain yourself while you're on my show. You're a grown man, act your age! Iíve already threatened to call security once, this is your last chance.

Dalvian: I must maintain a certain amount of decorum don't you know.

Sis: I agree. As for having fun, maybe you could get to know some of your neighbors?

Dalvian: Cover him in butter and start the oven. I'll go get my fork.

Sis: That certainly doesnít sound very neighborly. Step away from the stove, and put that fork down! Maybe you could go offer them a beer or a refreshment?

Dalvian: There are terrible noises coming from the apartment downstairs. Maybe I should see if they are all right.

Sis: Ok, that sounds like a good idea,
Weíll be back after these announcements,
Brought to you by Peter, our SC creator.

Sis: Welcome back Dal, what happened? Is that an empty butter tub in your pocket?

Dalvian: I love hearing the sound of vomiting from downstairs. It is the sound of victory.

Sis: Are you handing out that "yellow jello in a can" and passing them off as beers again?

Dalvian: One time at SC camp...I stuck a torpedo in my...

Sis: No, no, nooo, you didnít mention THAT did you? No wonder thereís vomiting noises!!

Dalvian: The hacking and vomitting stopped downstairs. Maybe they died.

Sis: Maybe you should just stick to SC, and leave your neighbors in peace?

Dalvian: I sure am lonely.

Sis: Well after what you did to the neighbor.... I can see why.

Dalvian: Look...It's ladder company 824. Is there a fire?

Sis: Is that smoke I see? Did you possibly forget to turn off the oven after you buttered the guy downstairs Dal?

Sis: Fire!!!! Why is the 1st floor on fire?! What have you done? You're gonna be in BIG TROUBLE, you better get outta here, quick!

Dalvian: Sorry, my bad.

Dalvian: I have to go. I'll be back later.

Sis: All right, this seems like a good time to say good night to our favorite host, and remind you to join us again, as soon as we rebuild our SC News set,
for another exciting edition of SC News.

And, for our guests in the audience, please use the fire exits. Scavengers and Noobs to the left, Vets and elite empires to the right. Please stay calm, no pushing, and everyone at the left exit, the fire escape ladder does work, you just have to use the 99% vegetable oil butter substitute, and a hard kick, to get the ladder working. Good Luck.

Post by: Dalvian(38356)
2005-12-02 13:39:00
Absolutely wonderfull job Sis. I'm green with envy.
*grabs a big handfull of butter*
Now come over here and get your reward.
Post by: philldodilldo(22259)
2005-12-02 21:48:52
an interview with dal or about dal is not complete without me in it.

that said..

Post by: SkydiveMike(86286)
2005-12-03 00:43:24
Awsome job Sis -- question though, which category do I fall in for the fire escape routes?
Post by: Dalvian(38356)
2005-12-03 01:32:05
I'm taking the left stairs because some of the vets and elites (I'm not mentioning any names) would have no problem pushing people down the stairs if it saves their own hides.
Post by: LosHobos(128600)
2005-12-03 04:46:33
Man, there was ALOT of Hobo Talk in there.

I'm taking that as a secret (Butter-fueled)infatuation.
Even if it isn't.

Post by: jddegraff(43958)
2005-12-03 06:37:38
see phil? i told you ex-porno stars can type.
Post by: philldodilldo(22259)
2005-12-03 19:00:39
LOOOOOOOOOOOOL jim, thanks another beer spit out on the monitor.
Post by: Little Sister(34495)
2005-12-04 01:34:00
There's a star in our midst? Maybe we can get him on the show for an interview?

As for which stairs ya use, I dont care... at least the door to the right will get ya a swift painless death, the door on the left, I dont expect them to get very far, they'll be too busy robbin each other to get that ladder workin (Sure glad I didnt mention the back door, teehee)

Phil, follow Dal, that bulge in his jacket is a case of yellow jello in a can, genuine imitation beer substitute. you can probably get 4-5 of them off him before the ladder unseizes ;)
Post by: philldodilldo(22259)
2005-12-04 02:27:03
jello? daaaaal get back here!
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