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Forum: SC General
Thread: Federation B.M.F. - A Short Story
Post by: SkydiveMike(86286)
2005-11-16 20:49:46
Dalvian, Maellstrom, and Skydive all sat on the barren moon; in the corner sat a small pile of splintered wood – ones’ imagination would be stretched to believe that this measly pile was all that remained of the mighty Pointed Sticks.



“It’s cold, and I require butter, salted meat products, and green Jell-O,” muttered Dalvian.



“One day butter, salted meat products, and green Jell-O will be your downfall, Dalvian,” said Maellstrom, “besides you feasted not to long ago.”


“Let’s start a fire with the wood for warmth,” suggested Skydive.



“NO!” Maellstrom screamed, “Those were once our Pointy Sticks and when our Queen returns she will remake the sticks and the galaxy will again fear us!”



Dalvian agreed, believing that the Queen would not abandon her brave team of warriors. But even in agreeing, Dalvian knew that the moon was cold, the Queen had been missing for too long, and the chances for survival were rapidly fading. Skydive looked at Maellstrom, trying to figure out where that reserve of strength and faith came from and secretly knowing that his reserves were thin indeed.



The warlords continued to sit in the cold, shivering, and each thinking about the beautiful home worlds that they used to inhabit; wishing for access to even one space ship plant to make one fighter in which to escape from this moon.



“The cold is getting numbing now,” stated Skydive, “and we must burn the wood for warmth and survival. Our Queen has abandoned us; we must much face facts and move on.”



“NO!” Maellstrom screamed again, “Our Queen will return and I will remain faithful to her and our Pointy Sticks until she does.” In the dark part of his soul, however, Maellstrom’s vanity made him believe that the Queen would reward his faithfulness and loyalty upon her return.



Nighttime came, such as it was on a moon that barely received sunlight at all, and the warlords slept. A throbbing, deep, rumbling sound filled the sky and it began to stir the warlords from their sleep. Maellstrom was the first to fully awaken and he quickly realized the sound was an approaching ship. His heart skipped a beat, his adrenaline surged, and he awoke the other two warlords with his cry.



“Our Queen has returned



Salvation is at hand



Rejoice!”



Skydive and Dalvian awoke at the loud noises and the silly sight of Maellstrom dancing around on the barren moon with a splinter of wood – for Maelstrom had grabbed a splinter and was pretending that it was in reality a Pointed Stick of Rejoicing.



“I require salted meat products and green Jell-O,” exclaimed Dalvian.



“Hush,” said Skydive, “Something doesn’t sound right about that ship, we must be cautious.”



Maellstrom turned on Skydive, almost in anger, and screamed, “It is our Queen returning, we must rejoice.”



The sound deepened, the volume rose, and overhead a shadow appeared.



“Look,” pointed Skydive, “that is a Star Destroyer and our Queen doesn’t use Star Destroyers, something is very wrong,” as he scanned the barren moon looking for a place to hide, for now he was filled with a deep dread.



The ship moved closer and prepared for landing and without a doubt, it was a Star Destroyer. The moon shook as the great ship landed with an ungraceful thud. The engines slowly shut down, the ground settled, and the vessel’s hatch opened.



“My Queen,” screamed Maellstrom, “you have come for us.”



And then, just as he finished the words, it appeared – the sight of the Evil Lord Spartapus in the hatchway. Dalvian wet himself and Skydive soiled himself.



“Oh, look, ingredients for yellow Jell-O,” Dalvian said as he pointed to the puddle at his feet.



“Oh my gawd, Dalvian, hush you silly butter lover,” exclaimed Skydive.



Throughout this exchange, Maellstrom stood motionless and stunned, both in fear of the Evil Lord Spartapus and in shock at the realization that the Queen was not going to save them. Meanwhile, the Evil Lord Spartapus was descending the ship’s stairway approaching the now terrified group of warlords and the vision of his evil frame in the doorway was replaced by an even more terrifying vision, that of the Evil Lord’s Pleasure Boy, PHILLDODILLDO. For this occasion, Phil had chosen to appear in his most terrible orange dilly form. The large orange dilly descended the stairway, as much as a life form without legs and limited in movement to only various speeds of pulsating and throbbing could descend. In truth, the dilly form fell down the stairs to land, undignified, in the dust, at Evil Lord Spartapus’s feet.



“Attention warlords,” boomed the deep baritone voice of Evil Lord Spartapus, “your service is required in my Federation to assist us in the extinction of the gerbil population. You shall all board my ship, receive your mind-control chips, and return to your empires in service of me, the Evil Lord, and your new master.”



“Never!” screamed Maellstrom, I shall not betray my Queen in this manner, while Dalvian whimpered and Skydive fell to the ground on his ass, secretly enjoying the feeling of his soiled underclothing.



“I too shall never serve you,” whispered Dalvian meekly and Skydive remained utterly silent and stunned for at this moment the Evil Lord Spartapus’s Pleasure Boy changed his form and now appeared as a Ninja Kitten. The terror of the orange dilly form was replaced with the absurdity of a scrawny kitten standing erect on its hind paws.



“You shall all obey the Evil Lord Spartapus and enter our ship immediately,” hissed the absurd kitten. Maellstrom quickly exchanged his splinter for another one, truly believing that this was a Pointed Stick of Destruction, and rushed at the would-be conquerors. The Evil Lord Spartapus quickly subjugated Maellstrom with a shot from his personal firearm and now Maellstrom lay unconscious and twitching on the ground.



“Let that be a lesson to you,” hissed the kitten, “now board our ship and carry that quivering wretch with you.”



Despite the kitten’s overall silliness in appearance, the warlords were forced to obey as the kitten was also carrying a personal firearm. Dalvian and Skydive lifted Maellstrom, and carried him into the darkness of the ship while Spartapus and the kitten watched with their weapons drawn and ready.



Once inside the ship, Spartapus led the group to brig; Dalvian and Skydive left the unconscious Maellstrom in his cell, and each entered his own cell all at Spartapus’s gunpoint. The ship’s engines fired and the ship left the barren moon in route to Spartapus’s evil lair. The voyage was long and throughout it the warlords were fed only meager rations and fetid water and their already weak spirits got even weaker. Periodically the Evil Lord Spartapus would torture the warlords seemingly for no reason and at no predictable intervals. Indeed, however, there was a reason – Spartapus was monitoring the responses to the brutal torture so that he would know which former-puppet would break first. During this time, the silly looking ninja kitten would also enter the cells and perform despicable acts of torture, also seeming for no reason. This was different, however, because there was no reason – PHILLDODILLDO was simply torturing for his own sick enjoyment.



As the ship arrived at Spartapus’s Evil Lair, Spartapus was sure he knew who would break first and transferred Dalvian and Maellstrom to holding cells on the home world. PHILLDODILLDO transferred to his ship and returned to Dildoia, his home world. Spartapus’s ship departed, with only himself and Skydive on board. After the lengthy torturous travel from the distant moon back to the Space Conquest galaxy, Skydive was, indeed, very weak and ready to break. Spartapus removed Skydive from his cell, in chains and leg-irons, and brought him to the ships bridge.



“How did you enjoy the weeks of torture?” boomed Spartapus’s evil voice.



“It didn’t bother me in the least,” lied Skydive, for in truth he knew that he was already broken.



“Than I shall put you on the couch and torture you some more,” replied Spartapus.



“Umm, not the couch, can I just join you and be evil instead,” mumbled Skydive.



And at this the Evil Lord Spartapus was surprised, for undeniably his goal was to convert Skydive to the evil ways, but he did not expect it to be so easy. Spartapus turned to the controls of the ship and plotted a course Skydive’s home world. During the voyage, the Evil Lord Spartapus and the newly Evil Under Lord Skydive plotted and schemed, for Skydive’s conversion to evil was so complete that he even told Spartapus about Dalvian’s extraordinary weakness for salted meat products, Jell-O, and butter. Left on his home world, Skydive began his reign of evil, working with Spartapus’s Federation to eliminate the gerbil menace from the galaxy.



Spartapus, with a newly formed plan to corrupt Dalvian, plotted a course home, with a quick stop at the Galactic Mini-Mart to acquire supplies for Dalvian’s corruption. While in the Galactic Mini-Mart the manager on duty asked Spartapus if he knew where Dalvian was, since he had missed a number of his labor shifts. Spartapus just looked at the manager, laughed maniacally, and left.



Upon arrival at his home world, Spartapus immediately removed Dalvian from his cell.



“I have rewards for you if you join my evil forces,” Spartapus stated.



“Never! I shall not betray my Queen,” mumbled Dalvian, “not for any reward.”



At this, Spartapus laughed, reached into his bag of supplies, and revealed a package of salted meat products, a large tub of butter, and numerous cups of Jell-O in both yellow and green.



Dalvian drooled upon himself and exclaimed, “When may I begin serving with the dark forces?”



At this, another complete and total corruption, Spartapus laughed some more, plotted a course for Dalvian’s home world, and threw the supplies to Dalvian. After returning Dalvian to his home world, Spartapus plotted and schemed, searching for a way to convert Maellstrom, the last of the Pointed Stick Gang warlords not serving the galaxy’s evil.



“For this I require the assistance of PHILDODILLDO” thought Spartapus as he headed to Dildoia, and upon his arrival Spartapus and Phil sat for a palaver.



“How can we turn Maellstrom to the dark side,” Spartapus asked Phil.



“We can trick him, oh Evil Lord and Master,” replied Phil, “make him believe that we are now the forces of good in the galaxy.”



“And how do you plan on achieving this evil goal, Phil,” replied Spartapus.



“I shall go undercover as a farrier and gain his trust that way,” stated Phil.



“OK, then, this is your project my evil pleasure boy,” said Spartapus, “I shall release Maellstrom into the galaxy and allow you time to inveigle and corrupt him.”



Many years in the Space Conquest galaxy passed and Maellstrom, released from Spartapus’s Evil Lair, searched for the Queen to no avail. In his utter desperation to follow his Queen, he joined forces with the bungling Machiavellians and tried to worship The Bearded Clams as his queen the way he once worshiped the true Queen. During this time, Phil worked on his ingenious plan to lure Maellstrom through the mysterious farrier arts – going so far as to let a horse damage his arse in some unspecified, but most likely truly horrifying, manner. The plan worked, slowly, as Maellstrom’s trust in Phil grew because of the secret farrier bond. Phil suffered utter humiliation with his inflatable, donut shaped, arse pillow, while Maellstrom observed his former friends Dalvian and Skydive working with Spartapus and Phil to rid the galaxy of gerbils and wondered if indeed these were the forces of evil.



At the end of the 57th Era, the Evil Lord Spartapus gathered his minions.



“Phil, how goes your plan to entrust and entice Maellstrom?” asked Spartapus.



“One moment while I adjust myself,” replied Phil, who was appearing in his arse pillow form – for now Phil’s shape shifting abilities had grown and Phil could assume any one of three forms; the terrifying orange dilly form, the silly scrawny kitten form, and the humiliating arse pillow form.



After adjusting his pillow, Phil replied, “the plan is complete master, in the 58th Era Maellstrom will join our evil Federation.”



“Excellent, our plan is complete pleasure boy Phil, now get onto that couch, and await your special gift,” stated Spartapus.



“Where are the salted meat products, butter, and Jell-O,” muttered Dalvian, “I was told that there would be food and drink at this meeting.”



“Oh hush again, you silly Butter Mother F*censored*,” said Skydive, and at this the meeting was complete and the 58th Era was beginning.





Dalvian, Maellstrom, and Skydive all sat on the barren moon; in the corner sat a small pile of splintered wood – ones’ imagination would be stretched to believe that this measly pile was all that remained of the mighty Pointed Sticks.



“It’s cold, and I require butter, salted meat products, and green Jell-O,” muttered Dalvian.



“One day butter, salted meat products, and green Jell-O will be your downfall, Dalvian,” said Maellstrom, “besides you feasted not to long ago.”


“Let’s start a fire with the wood for warmth,” suggested Skydive.



“NO!” Maellstrom screamed, “Those were once our Pointy Sticks and when our Queen returns she will remake the sticks and the galaxy will again fear us!”

Dalvian agreed, believing that the Queen would not abandon her brave team of warriors. But even in agreeing, Dalvian knew that the moon was cold, the Queen had been missing for too long, and the chances for survival were rapidly fading. Skydive looked at Maellstrom, trying to figure out where that reserve of strength and faith came from and secretly knowing that his reserves were thin indeed.



The warlords continued to sit in the cold, shivering, and each thinking about the beautiful home worlds that they used to inhabit; wishing for access to even one space ship plant to make one fighter in which to escape from this moon.



“The cold is getting numbing now,” stated Skydive, “and we must burn the wood for warmth and survival. Our Queen has abandoned us; we must much face facts and move on.”



“NO!” Maellstrom screamed again, “Our Queen will return and I will remain faithful to her and our Pointy Sticks until she does.” In the dark part of his soul, however, Maellstrom’s vanity made him believe that the Queen would reward his faithfulness and loyalty upon her return.



Nighttime came, such as it was on a moon that barely received sunlight at all, and the warlords slept. A throbbing, deep, rumbling sound filled the sky and it began to stir the warlords from their sleep. Maellstrom was the first to fully awaken and he quickly realized the sound was an approaching ship. His heart skipped a beat, his adrenaline surged, and he awoke the other two warlords with his cry.



“Our Queen has returned



Salvation is at hand



Rejoice!”



Skydive and Dalvian awoke at the loud noises and the silly sight of Maellstrom dancing around on the barren moon with a splinter of wood – for Maelstrom had grabbed a splinter and was pretending that it was in reality a Pointed Stick of Rejoicing.



“I require salted meat products and green Jell-O,” exclaimed Dalvian.



“Hush,” said Skydive, “Something doesn’t sound right about that ship, we must be cautious.”



Maellstrom turned on Skydive, almost in anger, and screamed, “It is our Queen returning, we must rejoice.”



The sound deepened, the volume rose, and overhead a shadow appeared.



“Look,” pointed Skydive, “that is a Star Destroyer and our Queen doesn’t use Star Destroyers, something is very wrong,” as he scanned the barren moon looking for a place to hide, for now he was filled with a deep dread.



The ship moved closer and prepared for landing and without a doubt, it was a Star Destroyer. The moon shook as the great ship landed with an ungraceful thud. The engines slowly shut down, the ground settled, and the vessel’s hatch opened.



“My Queen,” screamed Maellstrom, “you have come for us.”



And then, just as he finished the words, it appeared – the sight of the Evil Lord Spartapus in the hatchway. Dalvian wet himself and Skydive soiled himself.



“Oh, look, ingredients for yellow Jell-O,” Dalvian said as he pointed to the puddle at his feet.



“Oh my gawd, Dalvian, hush you silly butter lover,” exclaimed Skydive.



Throughout this exchange, Maellstrom stood motionless and stunned, both in fear of the Evil Lord Spartapus and in shock at the realization that the Queen was not going to save them. Meanwhile, the Evil Lord Spartapus was descending the ship’s stairway approaching the now terrified group of warlords and the vision of his evil frame in the doorway was replaced by an even more terrifying vision, that of the Evil Lord’s Pleasure Boy, PHILLDODILLDO. For this occasion, Phil had chosen to appear in his most terrible orange dilly form. The large orange dilly descended the stairway, as much as a life form without legs and limited in movement to only various speeds of pulsating and throbbing could descend. In truth, the dilly form fell down the stairs to land, undignified, in the dust, at Evil Lord Spartapus’s feet.



“Attention warlords,” boomed the deep baritone voice of Evil Lord Spartapus, “your service is required in my Federation to assist us in the extinction of the gerbil population. You shall all board my ship, receive your mind-control chips, and return to your empires in service of me, the Evil Lord, and your new master.”



“Never!” screamed Maellstrom, I shall not betray my Queen in this manner, while Dalvian whimpered and Skydive fell to the ground on his ass, secretly enjoying the feeling of his soiled underclothing.



“I too shall never serve you,” whispered Dalvian meekly and Skydive remained utterly silent and stunned for at this moment the Evil Lord Spartapus’s Pleasure Boy changed his form and now appeared as a Ninja Kitten. The terror of the orange dilly form was replaced with the absurdity of a scrawny kitten standing erect on its hind paws.



“You shall all obey the Evil Lord Spartapus and enter our ship immediately,” hissed the absurd kitten. Maellstrom quickly exchanged his splinter for another one, truly believing that this was a Pointed Stick of Destruction, and rushed at the would-be conquerors. The Evil Lord Spartapus quickly subjugated Maellstrom with a shot from his personal firearm and now Maellstrom lay unconscious and twitching on the ground.



“Let that be a lesson to you,” hissed the kitten, “now board our ship and carry that quivering wretch with you.”



Despite the kitten’s overall silliness in appearance, the warlords were forced to obey as the kitten was also carrying a personal firearm. Dalvian and Skydive lifted Maellstrom, and carried him into the darkness of the ship while Spartapus and the kitten watched with their weapons drawn and ready.



Once inside the ship, Spartapus led the group to brig; Dalvian and Skydive left the unconscious Maellstrom in his cell, and each entered his own cell all at Spartapus’s gunpoint. The ship’s engines fired and the ship left the barren moon in route to Spartapus’s evil lair. The voyage was long and throughout it the warlords were fed only meager rations and fetid water and their already weak spirits got even weaker. Periodically the Evil Lord Spartapus would torture the warlords seemingly for no reason and at no predictable intervals. Indeed, however, there was a reason – Spartapus was monitoring the responses to the brutal torture so that he would know which former-puppet would break first. During this time, the silly looking ninja kitten would also enter the cells and perform despicable acts of torture, also seeming for no reason. This was different, however, because there was no reason – PHILLDODILLDO was simply torturing for his own sick enjoyment.



As the ship arrived at Spartapus’s Evil Lair, Spartapus was sure he knew who would break first and transferred Dalvian and Maellstrom to holding cells on the home world. PHILLDODILLDO transferred to his ship and returned to Dildoia, his home world. Spartapus’s ship departed, with only himself and Skydive on board. After the lengthy torturous travel from the distant moon back to the Space Conquest galaxy, Skydive was, indeed, very weak and ready to break. Spartapus removed Skydive from his cell, in chains and leg-irons, and brought him to the ships bridge.



“How did you enjoy the weeks of torture?” boomed Spartapus’s evil voice.



“It didn’t bother me in the least,” lied Skydive, for in truth he knew that he was already broken.



“Than I shall put you on the couch and torture you some more,” replied Spartapus.



“Umm, not the couch, can I just join you and be evil instead,” mumbled Skydive.



And at this the Evil Lord Spartapus was surprised, for undeniably his goal was to convert Skydive to the evil ways, but he did not expect it to be so easy. Spartapus turned to the controls of the ship and plotted a course Skydive’s home world. During the voyage, the Evil Lord Spartapus and the newly Evil Under Lord Skydive plotted and schemed, for Skydive’s conversion to evil was so complete that he even told Spartapus about Dalvian’s extraordinary weakness for salted meat products, Jell-O, and butter. Left on his home world, Skydive began his reign of evil, working with Spartapus’s Federation to eliminate the gerbil menace from the galaxy.



Spartapus, with a newly formed plan to corrupt Dalvian, plotted a course home, with a quick stop at the Galactic Mini-Mart to acquire supplies for Dalvian’s corruption. While in the Galactic Mini-Mart the manager on duty asked Spartapus if he knew where Dalvian was, since he had missed a number of his labor shifts. Spartapus just looked at the manager, laughed maniacally, and left.



Upon arrival at his home world, Spartapus immediately removed Dalvian from his cell.



“I have rewards for you if you join my evil forces,” Spartapus stated.



“Never! I shall not betray my Queen,” mumbled Dalvian, “not for any reward.”



At this, Spartapus laughed, reached into his bag of supplies, and revealed a package of salted meat products, a large tub of butter, and numerous cups of Jell-O in both yellow and green.



Dalvian drooled upon himself and exclaimed, “When may I begin serving with the dark forces?”



At this, another complete and total corruption, Spartapus laughed some more, plotted a course for Dalvian’s home world, and threw the supplies to Dalvian. After returning Dalvian to his home world, Spartapus plotted and schemed, searching for a way to convert Maellstrom, the last of the Pointed Stick Gang warlords not serving the galaxy’s evil.



“For this I require the assistance of PHILDODILLDO” thought Spartapus as he headed to Dildoia, and upon his arrival Spartapus and Phil sat for a palaver.



“How can we turn Maellstrom to the dark side,” Spartapus asked Phil.



“We can trick him, oh Evil Lord and Master,” replied Phil, “make him believe that we are now the forces of good in the galaxy.”



“And how do you plan on achieving this evil goal, Phil,” replied Spartapus.



“I shall go undercover as a farrier and gain his trust that way,” stated Phil.



“OK, then, this is your project my evil pleasure boy,” said Spartapus, “I shall release Maellstrom into the galaxy and allow you time to inveigle and corrupt him.”



Many years in the Space Conquest galaxy passed and Maellstrom, released from Spartapus’s Evil Lair, searched for the Queen to no avail. In his utter desperation to follow his Queen, he joined forces with the bungling Machiavellians and tried to worship The Bearded Clams as his queen the way he once worshiped the true Queen. During this time, Phil worked on his ingenious plan to lure Maellstrom through the mysterious farrier arts – going so far as to let a horse damage his arse in some unspecified, but most likely truly horrifying, manner. The plan worked, slowly, as Maellstrom’s trust in Phil grew because of the secret farrier bond. Phil suffered utter humiliation with his inflatable, donut shaped, arse pillow, while Maellstrom observed his former friends Dalvian and Skydive working with Spartapus and Phil to rid the galaxy of gerbils and wondered if indeed these were the forces of evil.



At the end of the 57th Era, the Evil Lord Spartapus gathered his minions.



“Phil, how goes your plan to entrust and entice Maellstrom?” asked Spartapus.



“One moment while I adjust myself,” replied Phil, who was appearing in his arse pillow form – for now Phil’s shape shifting abilities had grown and Phil could assume any one of three forms; the terrifying orange dilly form, the silly scrawny kitten form, and the humiliating arse pillow form.



After adjusting his pillow, Phil replied, “the plan is complete master, in the 58th Era Maellstrom will join our evil Federation.”



“Excellent, our plan is complete pleasure boy Phil, now get onto that couch, and await your special gift,” stated Spartapus.



“Where are the salted meat products, butter, and Jell-O,” muttered Dalvian, “I was told that there would be food and drink at this meeting.”



“Oh hush again, you silly Butter Mother F*censored*,” said Skydive, and at this the meeting was complete and the 58th Era was beginning.





Post by: philldodilldo(22259)
2005-11-16 21:09:19
L. M. F. A. O. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA meow
Post by: Dalvian(38356)
2005-11-16 22:29:51
Terrific. It very nicely tied everyting together. I believe I could be lured to evil by butter, salted meat products, and jello.
Post by: mael(88584)
2005-11-17 04:04:52
WoW ;))
Post by: sparkles(18049)
2005-11-17 06:36:49
OH THAT ROCKS!
Post by: Little Sister(34495)
2005-11-18 02:49:17
Hey.... the story cant end there, I havent returned and saved my brave team of warriors yet

Post by: Dalvian(38356)
2005-11-18 02:55:54
Phill spoon feeds me butter and tells me bedtime stories about the Romantic adventures of Spartapus. You never did that.
Post by: philldodilldo(22259)
2005-11-18 04:10:50
i even rock him to sleep
Post by: sparkles(18049)
2005-11-18 22:11:36
ROFL. PURE INSANITY!
Post by: Kubala(25078)
2005-11-19 15:30:20
well worth the read I must say.
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